Family: the HOME that we carry in our hearts

Did you ever notice that people will often say, "We're going home for the holidays," even though they may live 1000 miles away from that "home?" I know I do it, and I've lived away from my "home" for more than 45 years. This may be generational, however. I don't hear my own kids calling the home I live in with my husband their "home." Of course, only one of them lived in this particular house for, and that was only for a year.

For Thanksgiving, I posted an image to my kids on What'sApp that I found to be available on more than one online greetings website. The front of the card reads "Family is the home that we carry in our hearts." The message I sent with the posted image was "So much love to all of you" followed by an emoji heart. I missed having them at my house, or being at one of theirs. It's so difficult and expensive to travel for just a holiday weekend!

This all made me think about what really makes a house a home. On Thanksgiving Day, we were able to video-chat with two of our three kids, their spouses, and their children. We video-chatted with the third family the next morning. Being able to talk with everyone and see them in real-time is really important to us. We kind of feel as if we're in their houses, or they're in ours. But it's more than that. It's like we're a family at home -- not just in a house. I think it really is a family that makes a home.

What, then, does it mean to be family? Vicki Robin, in an article entitled "The Essence of Family" published by Context Institute in 1989 (https://www.context.org/iclib/ic21/robin/), states that, "Acceptance, belonging, connectedness, unity in diversity, responsibility, at-homeness, and empowerment – these are the essence of family." Those qualities don't always come easily! They take time and effort to evolve in each and every person -- and, sadly, may not develop at all.

I reflected on each of the qualities of family essence proposed by Robin. I know that we empowered our children to grow, develop, and leave us to build their own families. They're now responsible and productive members of society. All three of our kids grew into very diverse adults: our oldest is an online marketing expert in the business world; our middle is a surgeon; our youngest is a geologist and a homesteader. Their spouses are similarly responsible and productive: a lawyer, a PA, and a software product management supervisor. We all remain connected, at least by phone and social media. Everyone seeks input from the family member who can help the most when a question arises. While there have been plenty of disagreements over the years, everyone seems to have come to accept the behaviors, choices, and lifestyle of everyone else. When all or part of the family gets together, there is no longer any uncomfortable feeling of not belonging together -- but this was not always the case, and was one of the qualities that took time and effort to develop. The feeling of belonging makes us all feel "at-home" with one another when we're together.

To me, this all means that we all have a home together in our hearts. We are a family.